So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
