I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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