I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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