I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize