I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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