Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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