I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
