I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
