My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
