love makes seman taste better
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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