I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
