I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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