You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize