my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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