The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
