how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
