Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
