I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
