ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
