So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
