It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
