All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
