I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
