dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her vagine was all disorganized.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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