I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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