I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize