if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
