Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
