we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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