God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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