he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
