Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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