I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
