i just made my gag reflex go away.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
