I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
