Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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