There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
