He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
