Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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