i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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