You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
