I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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