She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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