I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
