last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
