Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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