Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
