Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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