On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
