Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
