Who wears a wallet chain?!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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