Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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