I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
