Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
