If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
