Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
