Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
