you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
