did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
