i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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