Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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